Reagan Exposed

On this day, November 12th, in 2006, ex-president Gerald Ford surpassed once B-list actor turned ruler of the free world Ronald Reagan as the longest lived American leader at 93 years & 121 days. After an in depth study was conducted by an independent third party it was proven that Ford had actually reached the milestone much earlier because, contrary to popular belief, Ronald Reagan was a robot.

After Leon Trotsky was excommunicated in 1927, Josef Stalin assumed the title of undisputed leader of the Soviet Union. Not however before he assumed the title of undisputed heavy weight champion of the world, a title he claimed after defeating Muhamad Ali's unborn spirit in a bout that went just three rounds. Stalin, having exerted minimal effort, celebrated by smoking a cigar, drinking the finest Vodka St. Petersberg had to offer and, as was his tradition, defacating in his underwear. The result was hot and sticky, as he had recently switched from boxers to briefs.

Knnesaw Mountain Landis, after having implicated the 1919 Chicago White Sox in the sporting scandal of the century, was elected Major League Baseball's first commissioner. Overjoyed, Mountain Landis dressed himself in his finest corsette, drank half a bottle of whiskey, spread a thick amount of lipstick over his mouth and ran through the streets of New York, shouting, "I'm a pretty girl; a pretty, pretty, dirty little girl." He was arrested and, like the fated Black Sox whose careers he had conspired to ruin, was banned from participating in Major League Baseball for the remainder of his life. It is rumored that Mountain Landis usurped the boundary set against him, dressing up as Cleveland Indians' mascot Cheif Wahoo and jumping atop dugouts around the American League til the day he died. Landis was, like Reagan, a robot.